Adulthood

17
I longed for the legal age,
I longed to being an adult,
I wanted to be free!!
I thought all the insecurities will disappear,
I counted down to that big age when I’ll finally become an "adult."
I wanted to dive into adulthood and do all the things they said I would be able to do.

18
Adulthood, finally
The insecurities didn’t disappear,
I waited for something to wash over me, something to tell me "congratulations welcome to adulthood!""
I waited, nothing came,
I hid more into myself,
Anxiety hit and worsened,
There were the times I wanted to die,
I cried myself to sleep and I didn’t know why,
"Is this what being an adult looked like?" I had asked.
I reminisced about the girl I was at seven,

19
A young adult they called me,
I wanted to scream that I’m still a teenager, that I was still a child,
I was finally getting a grasp of what adulthood lookes like,
I worried if it will get better,
Sometimes I opened up like a dandelion kissed by sunlight,
Most times I retreated back into my shell,
I built up walls to protect myself because I didn’t want to get more hurt,
I couldn’t count the times I was happier than sad,

20s
When you were younger, everyone told you that by time you are an adult you’ll be free, no one will tell you what to do,
I’m an adult now and I’m not free,
There are things holding me back,
I pay bills that I never imagined I would pay,
Life is more hectic,
But I have now understood what it means to be an adult, a grown up
And I might never be an expert with this adult thing,
I’m taking it one step at a time,
I’m trying to live and enjoy each moment,
I’ll make a lot mistakes and will have a lot of wins,
I’m constantly learning from them and will continue to,
I realize that I’m going to be an adult forever and I want it to be filled with sunshine and happiness,
I’m grateful for the love and joy and people around me,
The up and downs are uncomfortable, but I hope I’ll be fine,
Adulthood suck but I’m going to live it.